WTF Wednesday

WTF is up with my body justloving 178 lbs?! I mean, seriously, what is it about that number that you are sooo drawn to my friend? I wish you could just communicate with me so I could understand you!! Granted, it is Wednesday, which means it is not weigh in day, so you might ask me wtf I’m doing peeking at the scale right?! Yeah, I don’t know wtf I’m doing peeking either. I know it’s wrong, and I do it anyway. And when I say “wrong” I mean wrong for me. For my psyche. Others can handle it, I damn well know I can’t so I need to stop doing it. But here are some realizations, regardless of what the scale is saying:

1. I ran 1.6 miles in 19 minutes this week. I have NEVER run for that long, ever, ever, ever.
2. I managed to end a day wisely and within my dailies when I only had 2pts left for dinner. That would previously have been a binge type of night, but it wasn’t. I controlled myself & made healthy choices instead of letting the food or feeling of ‘failure’ overpower me.
3. Some size 10 jeans that were quite snug (like wear a big flowy top to hide how much they’re squeezing my muffin top snug) about 6 wks ago, fit perfectly yesterday (like wear a normal, stomach hugging top and there was no bulge, fit)

Ok, those are the only realizations but they felt pretty damn good! So eff you scale… I like to hope that you’ll be my friend on Saturday morning, but if you’re not, it doesn’t matter. I’m winning in other ways & I’m gonna pester the shit out of you until you start showing me some numbers I like!

Estella.Elizabeth

Oh yeah and this:

Adam Levine and I have the same hairstyle! So is he wearing a lady style or am I rocking a gentleman’s cut? Hmmmm…

Tags: Adam Levine, haircut, scale, Weigh in, Weight Watchers, wtf

Two Points Tuesday

Walking down a new path, a different way of doing things…

Ok. It is 7:03 pm on this lovely Tuesday evening and I am about to attempt something that has never been done before in this household, by me. The husband is gone to work for a few days, meaning I’m feeling a little lonely looking at the prospect of 3 days alone, as usual. I have only 2 points left for the evening, having gone on a plantain chips, goldfish & coffee ring bender earlier which cost me 12 of the points that would’ve gone towards my dinner. Here is what would normally happen, on a night like this, after a day like that:

I would’ve dropped hubby off, come home, sat in front of the television, broken out some other bag of chips, or taken some ice cream from the freezer, or ordered a pizza. I would’ve told myself “I’m sad, I’m lonely, I’ve already ruined the day by only leaving myself 2 points for dinner. There is nothing I can have for 2 points that will satisfy me. The day is a wash, eat whatever you want!” Essentially, a bit of a bingey moment/ feeling.

Here is what is going to happen TONIGHT:

I’m home. On the way in from dropping hubby at work, I stopped at the supermarket very quickly & grabbed a bunch of bananas, a small mango, a pineapple, a pack of strawberries and some apples (I was essentially out of fruit in the house). Upon getting in, I did plant myself on the couch, yes, but I ate an apple. Then, came upstairs to blog & then paint my nails (probably take up about an hour). Then the plan is to roast a pan of broccoli & carrots (0 pts) and eat that with 2 pts (about 2 ozs) of grilled chicken I have leftover in the fridge. And THEN, dessert will be a fruit salad of a chopped banana, a mango, a few strawberries & a few slices of fresh pineapple. After that? I’m coming upstairs, getting away from the kitchen, and either reading a book til I’m tired, or letting the telly watch me fall asleep. I am, right this minute, issuing this challenge to myself. To really work this program. To not let the slip ups of the day affect the rest of my night/week. I tell people on twitter all the time “move on, just make a smart choice for your next meal and forget about the last!” Tonight, I’m going to do just that. I already had several days of “messing up” last week. I refuse to have today be another of those days. I will cross the bridge of tomorrow when I reach it. But for tonight, I am not going to act the way I normally would. If you do the same thing you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten. You can’t do the same thing and expect different results. ‘Nuff said.

Estella.Elizabeth

Tags: 2 point meals, Weight Watchers

Realizations

You know what I just realized? Even though there have been tons of ups and downs in my attempts to lose weight, I’ve stuck with it for 8 months. 8 whole months. That is pretty significant for me. Normally I would’ve completely given up by now, but for some reason, this time around, I’m sticking with it. I don’t know if the blog is the difference, or twitter, or because I’m older, I really have no idea why. Oh and don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of days that I’ve wanted to quit. Days that ive gone wayyy off plan. But for some reason i was able to wake myself up from that stupor (the next day or a few days later) and get myself back on track. So now if I could just apply this “endurance” to my desire/ search/ focus on finding a new job… Then maybe I’d be in a better place mentally/ emotionally where that is concerned (yup, it’s been weighing on me heavily & is starting to affect other areas of my life…) here’s hoping that today is the first day in the start of a new direction, a new focus, a new feeling.

Estella.Elizabeth

*and a picture for good measure: the sunny as hell reservoir where I’ve been going walking in the mornings

Tags: endurance, focus, job, Mona dam, motivation, Weight Watchers, working

Weekend Inspiration, I need a kick in the ass!

Ok, so I tried to be “good” while I was traveling (did I not mention I was traveling? Oh I haven’t blogged in a hot minute? Ooops, my bad!) but it didn’t 100% workout. I would start out the days feeling focused, ready to tackle the day and stay within my points but come about.. 6 o clock, and it got reallllyy hard to say no to certain foods for dinner, as well as the lovely yogurt desserts that were sure to follow! So, I basically ended up taking two days “off”, which if you ask me is pretty damn good for me being in Florida. 6 days in Florida and only 2 days off plan? Shieeettt, I don’t think I did half bad.

So, now that I’m back in Jamaica, I’ve actually struggled a little bit to stay on plan the first day back as well. But I’ve been browsing twitter as I always do, for a little inspiration and boy did I find it! One of the WeightWatchers people I follow, Mae @reducedfatgirl , posted a pic of herself in ‘last years skinny jeans’ which was essentially a pic of her fitting both legs into last years larger jeans. Just seeing that pic tonight makes me wish it was already tomorrow morning so I could get off my ass, go for a jog and start kicking some ass again! (I would exercise now but I have quite a few gummy bears sitting like a ton o’bricks in my stomach…) I hardly exercised last week with the traveling and reading Mae’s posts about doing Insanity workouts, followed by her great losses makes me want to get moving!

Moving on from my inspiration, I must say (again! Wait have I said this before?) that I don’t know where I’d be without my weight watchers twitter family! I posted a few pics when I was trying on clothes in Florida this week and they were all so encouraging, they really gave me the positive reinforcement I needed, and it’s nice to know that it’s coming from a place of understanding as they are all people who are right where I am, or have been there, or are getting there somehow.

I’m looking forward to starting fresh tomorrow and I think I’m going to change my weigh in day to Saturday Mornings (but I can’t lie, I am not weighing tomorrow morning because it would be far too depressing to see some crazy number on the scale that is based on 3 days of not tracking. Yes, terrible, in denial, I know…

Estella.Elizabeth

I need to look at pics like this more often to keep me motivated and on track!

Tags: day off, exercise, florida, inspiration, tracking, Travel, Weight Watchers

Deep Thoughts Thursday

Ok, I may have been feeling overconfident when I thought that I could come up with a deep thought every Thursday?! Ain’t happening…

Here are Thursdays regular old thoughts! I am glad to say that my little test worked! As I’ve said on twitter a million times, I was trying to see how it would work for me if I ate only my daily 31 points, and ignored all my AP’s and weeklies. Even though my weigh in day is Thursday, last week Thursday I was traveling & not counting, so I technically only did it for 6 days of the week, not 7. Anyway, it yielded a lovely 1.6 lb loss on the scale & I must say it felt pretty damn good. Coming from my usually very very tiny losses, I must ay it felt really good to step on the scale & see & feel progress. It was also awesome to see it a bit in the mirror as well as in how my clothes fit this week. So, based on that, I am going to try it again this week, but I am going to tweak it just a tinnyyy bit. Last week Thursday I was off plan because of traveling but I was trying to eat semi mindfully. I wasn’t tracking but I also wasn’t going buck wild. This Thursday (today, dur) I am going to let it be my “off” day in that I am going to eat a bit more than my 31 daily, but I am still going to track & write it all down, and I am going back to 31 dailies for the rest of the week. Here’s the problem in my OCD brain: I want to attempt to do exactly what I did this past week. But since I wasn’t tracking & counting last week Thursday, I have no idea how many points I ate that day. So it is semi impossible for me replicate. Anywaaayy, my OCD & crazy side is showing! So I’m gonna put it away and just relax! I hope you guys are having a great OP week as well!

Estella.Elizabeth

Two Things Tuesday but I Only have One thing….

What does it mean to have true body confidence? Does it mean love yourself now, at 200 lbs, or love yourself later after losing 40 lbs? What about being 200 lbs, thinking you’re confident & you love yourself, so you can do whatever you want, eat what you want, e lazy, just, whatever, cause you’re happy? But are you really happy? Clearly I can’t answer that for you, I’m just asking in general

So a few days ago I got invited to an unplanned, free yoga session (have a new friend who’s a certified yoga teacher & she ended up inviting a few girls over for an impromptu class). So, as we were stretching and breathing etc, it came to me: what if being body confident, meant that I was confident enough to love myself at this exact weight right now, 12.5 lbs ago at 191.5, and 10-15 lbs from now (when I’ve hopefully lost the rest of this weight)? But, how could that be possible? If I was body confident 12.5 lbs ago, would I have thought I needed to lose weight? If I am body confident NOW, then shouldn’t I just quit weight watchers and just enjoy being me at this weight? Then I had the final thought, the thought that is the point of this post: what if body confident means that you’re confident to do whatever it takes, whenever it takes, to treat yourself well? That’s it. The confidence to not binge eat just because you feel sad or down. The confidence to reward your body for getting you out of bed, picking up your kids, loving your husband, everything it does for you. Rewarding it with things that are good for it physically, that have nothing to do with your emotional state? So, that’s a big thought I’m having lately. When I’m feeling down or sad, or to stuff my face with goldfish, I try to think whether or not I’m about to do something that is truly good for my body or good for my mind? Well, today I did eat 3 servings of Goldfish (ack! Terrible, I know) but it’s a work in progress!

Learning to treat myself well
Estella.Elizabeth

My Fitness Pal Monday

Ok, so I said I’d talk more about My Fitness Pal right? Well, after logging on both weight watchers and my fitness pal since Friday, here’s what I’m learning: there are many days that according to MFP, I’ve over eaten by quite a bit, but according to weight watchers, I’ve still got 5 or 6 pts left for the day! Confusing right?! But here’s why: on MFP, I’m forced to count calories for the tsp of sugar in my nightly mint tea (0 pts+), I’m forced to count the what, 300-375 calories I’ve used on a banana, an orange, some pineapple & probably an apple? All 0 pts+ on weight watchers. So tht is definitely something to consider in terms of limiting myself to two to three fruit servings per day (but I will still opt for a fourth fruit serving if I am feeling snacking ather than eating chips or granola or something else!

So you guys have heard about the 80/20 rule right? It says something like weightloss is 80% food and 20% exercise. Now let’s get real- I have been putting crap in my body and working out like a fiend. See this post here which was followed by two a day workout sessions, almost 10-12 AP’s earned daily, just, a mess. Why eat 10 points of Cheetos and Oreos and workout like a mad woman instead of using some of that workout “willpower” to watch what your eating & maybe only workout for 30-40 mins a day instead? So, that’s where I’m at right now. Cutting back on the crap, and cutting back on the workouts. Aiming to eat exactly my daily allowance of points, no weeklies and no activity points. As I said on twitter last night, it’s an experiment, I know every week won’t be the same, and there will be life events/circumstances that cause me to go into weeklies/use unplanned points. But I really want to see what this can do for me. I hope you guys are happy, healthy, and OP!

Estella.Elizabeth